dear tadpole....

well, the cat is out of the bag....you are a part of me, of us, and everyone knows. i feel safe writing this now, because just the other day, your papi and i heard your heart beat beat beating away in the belly. it was quite surreal, as the only indicator of you growing inside of me are my over sized breasts and slightly expanding waistline. you have blessed me with absolutely no sickness...just some tiredness...what with all the growing body parts and systems from scratch and all, i guess i will let that go!

it still hasn't sunk in totally what is going to be happening to our lives when you greet us here about six months from now. i can tell you how surprised i was when i saw this:



i rushed into the bedroom, as it was very early in the morning, and told your papi that i was "kinda freaking out." "why?" was the mumble from beneath the blankets and pillows..."well, this says i am pregnant." tadpole, i have never seen anyone shoot up out of bed as fast as your papi did, and he hollered with joy, and grabbed a certain part of his anatomy with thanks...sorry to get graphic, but if i am going to let it out, i might as well let the whole of it out.

needless to say, i had to stare at that word for a long time.

pregnant.

pregnant.

do you know how lucky i felt? how blessed? it was almost too much to absorb all in one day, so two days later, i had to take another test just to see the word again.

and then i set my mind to taking care of me. i tried to rest more, eat as healthily as i normally do, and take walks instead of run. unfortunately, i was working in a place that is the exact opposite of where you would want to be working at such a delicate stage in your development. it was hot, loud, full of screaming meme machines and steam. concrete floors and endless standing for 8 hours straight. factory rat. but you know what....in those weeks that i first knew you were blooming inside of me, i thought of all of the women in the world who have jobs or have daily tasks that are not desirable when making a brand new human being, and i was so proud of them. proud of myself. proud that as a woman, i have the capability to house you and help you grow, all the while, living life, working hard in a harsh environment. i did it, we do it, because we are strong women. strong women have no choice but to have strong babies. we're in this together, tadpole. you've been with me the whole time.

fast forward to tonight....a gorgeous saturday night...you and me, listening to carole king on the record player, thank you very much, and chilling at home. i was extra tired today. you must be growing an extra inch or something, because i was inside lounging all day, and napped for a few hours. you should always take advantage of indian summer days, because you don't get too many of them in the fall. but that's ok...when you need time to grow, just zone me out, because it felt great. i got up and made a hearty spaghetti pie and a loaf of yummy bread, drank a little milk, sucked on a few hershey kisses, and we are set for the evening.

today, papi and i were driving home from the library, and he said he was so excited to see what you look like. it is exciting. i told him that you will be here soon enough. i think we have decided to wait and meet you completely when you are born, instead of finding out what gender you are beforehand. there are so few genuine surprises in life, that sometimes, you just have to be patient and allow yourself to have one. modern technology is cool and all, but the act of birthing you and the surprise of finding out who was growing in me for the better part of a year will be way cooler.

so for now, you and i will enjoy our quiet saturday night, maybe pop in a video and curl up in the living room with the cats to keep us company. you are with me. all the time. and it is going to stay like that for a long, long time. just the thought of that brings tears of joy and love to my eyes.

you are so loved already.

love,
mama