the older i get, the more mornings mean to me. i have never been one to sleep in late, and when you have to regularly get up early for your job, your body just gets used to it. 
i absolutely love this time of year...heading into summer, but with nights that are still cool. i absolutely love the air...love the smell of it, the feel of it on my skin. so many times i trudged into work, dragging my feet, knowing that i wasn't going to be able to get outside again for many hours. i would imagine having a job that would allow me to wake gently, get up, go for a walk, and breathe in that peaceful air. now that i am home, i am loving the mid-morning walks piper and i are able to take together. 
i feel blessed every time we can be outside, listening to the birds and the wind in the newly hatched leaves...to see the brilliant green everywhere our eyes rest. we had another wonderful walk this morning, just the two of us. i was so thankful. so blessed. this is exactly the way i always imagined it. 
you are two months old today. as i watched you sleeping on my belly tonight, i thought of how just weeks ago you were curled up inside of my belly, perfectly content. now you are here, in the outside world, and you are slowly learning life. since last month, you have found your voice. it is hilarious to watch you realize that emitting sound causes a reaction. sometimes you squawk because i have left your sight. sometimes you grunt because you don't like the position you are in. sometimes you cry when you are exhausted and you don't know what else to do. sometimes you cuss me out with the bink in your mouth, making these gutteral noises from your throat. that one is the funniest. my favorite are the squeals you are starting to make when you laugh in the morning. you are so happy in the morning...it is a reminder to me to greet the day with joy. you are joy in the morning. you are also getting stronger day by day. you love to stand on your feet and work the muscles in your legs. you like a little belly time so you can work your head and neck muscles. you swing your arms so much i'm afraid you are going to take off and fly sometimes. 
you are living your life. you seem to enjoy it so far. you are loved and cared for, your every need met, which is what is supposed to happen. that is my job and papi's job. we have hit our stride, this month. things are smoothing out, and we are so ready for a wonderful summer together. i keep my mind on the here and now, because that is all we have. i am continually reminded by other people how fleeting this time is, so i slow down. i watch. i linger. i pause. i am patient. we are still so connected, you and i, even though you are operating on the outside of me. as the midwives say, i am growing you on the outside now. just don't grow too fast. you'll make your momma cry. again.love,mama
having a child is like having your heart walk around on the outside of your body. i feel things so much more deeply now that piper is here than before. after she was born, i was a wreck emotionally, would cry at the drop of a hat, but i had hormones going every which way, not knowing where to land. now when i hear of something that deals with children, i think of how i would feel with her, and it unglues me. yesterday, oprah had on two mothers and a father who were speaking about how their sons, very young sons, committed suicide because of bullying at school. i found myself crying and crying because these were their children...their babies. those mothers carried those sons inside of them, bonded with them for life, and some kids, some bullying kids were allowed to take all of that away by their words and actions. if you are slightly different or even just seemingly sensitive, you are a prime target at school. those boys were so young, had so much life to live...and their parents had so much more love to give them. they still do, and it has no where to go. where does the love go? it must just stay there, pent up in your heart. i can't imagine bringing piper into this world, only to have her take herself out because she was hurting inside due to other people's words and actions. i am not sure i could forgive those kids for causing that kind of pain. those parents were so strong. 
so, i hold piper tight, thank the Lord that i have been blessed to be her momma, and say a prayer for those families who are suffering, and for the unknown numbers of children (and adults) who are bullied by others. shame on those that feel they have the right to tease, name call, threaten, hit, and/or harass another human being. i hope they can heal inside what is causing them to be so hateful before someone else has to lose his or her life.
could there be a sweeter face than the one i stare down at now? let's just say, i am a complete smitten kitten with you, piper. you and i have been attached at the hip, and breast, for 6 full weeks now, and man, have i learned a lot. felt a lot. cried a lot. thought a lot. dreamed a lot. i am sure all new moms, and dads, say they would hang the moon for their kids, but baby, i'm climbing for you. you will want for nothing if i can help it. and i don't mean that you'll get everything your heart wishes in terms of material things, but i can assure you that you'll take center stage when it comes to my love and time. 
our new favorite time, your papi's and mine, is around 4 in the morning, when you have just fallen back to sleep, and papi sits on the side of the bed, rubbing your back while you sleep on my chest. we just stare at you with such fierce love and awe. you are us. we are you. a perfect triumverate in a tiny space. i am trying hard to get back into the swing of things (aka, work) but you seem to trump everything right now. if it doesn't involve you, it doesn't seem very interesting. and there are no apologies...i have been waiting for this momma time for quite some time, so boo to anyone who says this isn't healthy. we are going to have such a time together, i just know. but, for now, i can wait for it, because having your little body fit so perfectly in my arms is what i am drinking in every single day. my little birdie, you are so loved. we are so happy you are here...love, mama
