every single day, i am lucky and blessed to feel my baby move around inside of me. my baby. the words still feel foreign in my mouth. my baby. our baby. the baby.
it was one of those things that seemed to almost haunt me...what it felt like to carry another human being. what it felt like to have another human grow just beneath my skin....to hold someone so dearly, in such an intimate way. to feel maternal and connected in a different way.
every move, every bump, every time we can hear the little one's heartbeat....it will just never be the same again....because it is so new. so fresh. so unexperienced before.
it is not to say that i won't enjoy future heartbeats, future thumpings...but, this is my first one. and now i know. i know what it feels like to carry my own baby. i know what it feels like to have this little person inside of me. i am never alone. i am so blessed.
and to see my sweet talk to my belly and to see the love and amazement in his eyes when he looks at me, growing monthly, weekly, daily...minutely, it seems sometimes. to see the love and amazement in his eyes when he feels a thump, a bumble, a rumble in the tumble. it just never ceases to amaze.
what a time we are having. just the two of us. in anticipation of the little one who will arrive just as the songbirds of spring arrive back from the warmth of their winter homes.
i not only cherish what we are experiencing, but also the time we are sharing together, because that too will never be the same. he asked me tonight if i would play less scrabble with him at night after the baby comes. no never. i'll fight back the exhaustion if i have to. connecting with him is important to me. even if it is as simple and precious as a game of scrabble. because we laugh....we talk....we are present with one another while the world zooms on outside the walls and windows of our home and the daily grind melts away from our bodies. our nest is a sacred place to my heart, and so too is he in it.
lots of epiphanies lately. lots of living in the moment. lots of being present.
because....
